Inner Strife

She was again bidding farewell to me with wet eyes & tight lips. The same inevitable question on her face – “when will you come again & for how many days”? Feeling really heavy since I have rejoined work after Diwali break. I don’t know why but this time I can’t forget the melancholic face of my mother, her sealed lips, her weak stature & her tearful eyes, which were having millions of unanswered questions. Maybe the realization of the fact that mom is getting old day by is impressing upon me. Maybe its sinking in me now that she will not be there with me forever. Maybe its difficult to accept that now I will never be able to spend my life at my home in the same carefree way as I used to do as a kid.
Since, the day I have started to work, I think I have hardly spent a few days at my home with my family because of the stringent leave policy of my company. Earlier it used to be a week’s long trip to my home town twice a year but after getting married, those very short holiday trips got further subdivided between my in-laws place & my mom’s place with naturally more number of days to be spent at in-laws place as it is expected from a girl to give the first priority to husband’s family after marriage. To be very precise, I think I have spent total 5 days at my home in past 14 months.
Sometimes, I wonder on all those who are like me, I mean those who have left their hometowns for making a career at metros or abroad. Are they all happy with their job & money? Are our jobs worth the love & relationships, which we have left behind? Can our money ever give us the same satisfaction, love & happiness, which we used to have alongwith our parents? Aren’t we selfish kids who have left our parents behind at the time when they need us the most?
Well, I know that our parents sacrifice a lot for our good upbringing & education & so its very important for us to have a good career & earn money. Even if I know the hard realities of life & the importance of money & career, then too, I am feeling restless. I am feeling jittery to realize that with the passage of time, mom is getting older & after some years she will not be there. Despite, this inevitable realization, I know that I will be able to spend only those 5 to 6 days with her every year because of job and marriage. My rational brain says that I need to pursue my job & career but my emotional side wants to leave this job, career & everything and return back home and be the same little girl who used to find the world in her mother’s arms………