diwali 2010

This Diwali was indeed special for me; I got to celebrate it with my Mom after 16 years! Yup, after sixteen years to be precise. Earlier it was education & hostel life, then job & then marriage… Mom used to so rightly say it earlier – ek baar beti ghar se nikal gayi toh phir nikal hi gayi, shayad wapas nahi hi aa paogi tum (though this is true for sons also these days as most of them have to stay away from their parents because of job & career demands). She was so right, I stepped out of my home when I was a child only, had to go for residential school & hostel life because of lack of good schools in my area, add to that the nature of job of my parents. Since then never got the chance to go back and stay there. Staying at home meant going there for few days during vacations. Then job and married life further reduced my home trip duration from “few days” to “very few days”. Now staying there has just become a distant memory. With Kishu & Amitesh Bhaiya gone, in fact now I feel scared to go back to my own home only. The memories of both of them attached with that place haunt me more when I see those rooms, garden, study racks, aangan and everything else where we had spent our childhood together. Suddenly their absences from our lives seem more real & more painful. Last two festive seasons consecutively were spent in mourning, 2008 Amitesh Bhaiya left us & 2009 it was Kishu. So, this year when we all (me, my husband, my mom & my youngest brother) got to spend this festive season together at Bangalore, it was really-really a different feeling for us. One it was some festival before which nothing bad had happened and second we all were together. Festivals will never be the same and celebrations will never be complete without Kishu & Bhaiya but at least I’m happy that we got to spend this day together and that too peacefully and nicely. Thank God for little mercies in life! After all that has happened continuously for last so many years with us, I at times get scared to feel happy over nice moments too.