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motherhood

Working, parenting and everything in between – The Lockdown Diaries

April 17, 2020

That tempting coffee challenge

Those gorgeous dress-up posts

That try a new hobby drive

Those Netflix marathons

That energetic, upbeat feeling

Those read, relax, and rejuvenate slogans

If you’re not able to relate to one or any of these, you’re not alone.

If you’re a parent, working from home, trying to manage your time between work, homeschooling, household chores and keeping your child away from the screen, I hear you. I hear you saying – am I the only one who is not able to be productive?

Am I the only one who is not able to manage it all?

Like you, even I have read those how-to-be-productive-while-wfh posts, registered for multiple webinars and have prepared long to-do lists.

But let me be very honest, I haven’t attended even a single webinar till now, I haven’t counted the pending items on my to-do list but I won’t be surprised if it has reached a count of million, and those productivity tips from hundreds of experts look like written in interstellar language meant for aliens from another planet.

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Have you watched this?

March 16, 2015
Just chanced upon this video by Horlicks and within few minutes I ended up watching it multiple times. That’s the power of great content I think, more on that on my marketing blog soon. But coming back to my love for this video – it was actually relatable, totally relatable to me and full of nostalgia. It reminded me of those childhood days, full of hardships, struggles, adversities, yet full of optimism, dreams and aspirations to look forward to. Thanks to our pillar of strength – my mom who was always there like a shining star guiding us to move ahead even if it was pitch dark many a times.

Moms are magical. Isn’t it? Not that I don’t have my share of fights with her on many whats and whys and whatevers but still I think a supportive mom is all you need to make it in life. As my close acquaintances tell me – I was always ambitious, a girl from a very small town but with very big dreams, used to put in honest & sincere effort in everything I did with a hope that someday I will make it big. Many in my family used to scold my mom to not support a daughter’s wish so much, to not let me have a thinking horizon of my own, but she did. Even if she didn’t know how to support, she never stopped me from dreaming big.  Now if I think of it, she actually didn’t have any resource to support me, nor had she got the knowledge or background to provide right guidance to me. Yet she was always there, pillaring whatever I wanted to do with just two lines – “you can do it” and “don’t worry, I am there”. Just two lines – one for faith and one for reassurancewere sufficient for me to keep moving ahead. At times I wonder if any money or luxuries in life can ever be as precious as those simple childhood days? I still smile when I think of those days, sometimes a pleasant smile and sometimes a teary-eyed smile :).

In case you haven’t seen this video yet, do check it out:

BTW, which one was your favorite moment out of it? Mine – the scene where the mom is dropping the bulb for her daughter’s studies. I still remember the way mom used to save candles & kerosene for lamps so that I could finish my studies at night. Oh yes, electricity was a rarity at that place and at that time 🙂

**Nope, this is not at all a plugged post by Horlicks guys, I was genuinely moved by this #LoveYouMaa video so much that I decided to write a post on it. Power of great content, you see!

Talking Parrot – 3

August 25, 2014
Crazy days, crazier nights! No wonder I have not come back to this space for almost 3 months now. 3 months and I must have got at least 13 posts saved in my drafts folder and another 30 in my must-blog-on-this list but damn… this daily madness of my life. A detailed post on what’s keeping me on my toes these days in another post later. For now, let me come back to yet another anecdote in my Talking Parrot series.
Yesterday it was one of those very tiring days; by night I was literally dragging myself to finish the daily chores. It was almost midnight and little one wanted to play basketball at that hour! Oh yes, craziness like these are normal affair in my household now. I have no idea from where does he gets all this energy, I have concluded that he runs on a battery and that too something more powerful than Duracell… chalta hi jaye, chalta hi jaye types. Anyways coming down to the talking parrot series, here’s a replication of the late night conversation between Mumma & Ni:
Ni: Mumma, tya hua? Abhi thelo na piliizzzz. Pilizz, pliiiiiizzzz (He uses “T” for “K” in hindi, so thelo is actually khelo in his language as of now :))
Me: (With a very tired expression), Not now Ni. Kal subah khelte hai
Ni: (Upset & silent with a pout, looks at me intently)
Ni again: Mumma tya hua? Tum thatt dayi ho (Tum thak gayi ho)?
Me: (with a sad face) Haan beta, bahot thak gaye hai. Sach mein
Ni runs to the fridge, comes back with something in his fist & asks me to sit down.
Ni: Mumma idhal aao, neeche baitho ne et (ek) min mere paas
Me: Haan baith gaye, bolo kya hua?
Ni immediately opens his fist, shows me some grapes and brings one to my mouth saying: Mumma ye grapes tha lo, tumhara sab thatt theet ho jayega, fruit thane se hum strong bante hai na (Mumma, ye grapes kha lo, tumhara sab thak theek ho jayega, fruit khane se hum log strong bante hai na. Of course it was me who was giving me this gyaan on eating fruits the same evening). 
And lo, Mumma was suddenly all awwww & oooo & teary eyed & lumpy throat! The next moment Mumma ate that grape and hugged him in her cheerful “ole mela beta” mood. Trust me just one grape fed by those tiny little hands and with a face full of innocent love were sufficient enough to charge me for another hour to play many rounds of basketball & football matches with him.

At times I wonder if moments like these are sudden or seeded in life. As they come unexpectedly on days when you’re really down or frustrated. And one such moment, just one is sufficient enough to make you realize that all this effort is worth it. Totally, absolutely worth it! :). Thank you God for this blessing in life!

Motherhood & Guilt (Talking Parrot – 2)

January 31, 2014
Last day of the first month of 2014! Wow, time flying, running and what not. So, what’s up with you all? Hope you had a great start to the new-year.

Well for me, life’s going on with more hiccups but some fun too, busier but with new learning too, tougher but with more… errm wait, what’s my life if it’s not tough. Don’t remember when was the last time that it was simple, or as per plan or easy. But whatever it is, it’s going on. More on some key changes in my life this year in my next post. As of now, I’m back with my talking parrot series with the little one :).

Early morning I was standing in the balcony when suddenly I heard the gas lighter being clicked. Surprised I wondered who was in the kitchen, as husband had gone for his morning run and little one was sleeping. Immediately I rushed inside only to be completely horrified by what I saw next. The little dude had pulled a small stool near the kitchen slab, stood on it, had switched on the gas burner and was clicking the lighter from a distance. Oh god! I can’t explain how scared I got for a moment. Immediately I pulled him down, switched off the knob and got mad at him. I shouted for good a minute or two I think – “why didn’t you call me when you woke up, why do you try to do things which are beyond your age, kuch ho jata toh, oh god why can’t he sit peacefully even for a minute, how can a two-year old be so difficult to deal with, blah blah blah & some more blah”.
When I was done with my shouting, little one climbed up on stool again and innocently asked me:

He: Mumma Tai peeogi?
Me: What?
He: Tai Tai (Chai).
Me: Dumbstruck I looked at him silently
He: Aaj Ni Mumma te liye Tai banayega!
Once again I don’t think I can express it in words how I felt at that moment. With welled up eyes, guilt within, I looked at his innocent expression. And within seconds my emotions took hundred and eighty degree turn! Thousands of thoughts flashing across my mind – why wasn’t I more patient, why did I get irritated without trying to understand what he was trying to do and many more… Gawd, motherhood is one hell of a complicated thing. Apart from making your emotional gland hyperactive, it also makes this emotion known as “guilt” super productive. You do whatever, this damn guilt doesn’t leave you at peace!
While the sensible brain told me that I reacted for all right reasons, after all within few seconds something really bad could have happened with that gas stove on but the emotional side kept on telling me – has anyone ever offered you tea in the morning since you left your mom’s house? Wasn’t it the sweetest thing a two year old could think of doing for you? It was, it really was…

The Talking Parrot Series – 1

October 27, 2013
I have a talking parrot at home these days and that parrot is none other than my little one! Yes, he talks now and that too a lot. Time flies, we always say this, but wait till you have a baby and see him/her growing in front of you. You really will see this term “time flies” in a different light altogether . So, this talking parrot has to repeat everything we speak. At times, his sentences leave me totally amazed wondering if it’s really him who said all this! And the reactions range from Awwww to WTH to Oleeee to WHAT! Yes, yes parenting emotions are all about diversity and that too at a speed which you won’t even know is humanly possible 😛
So, yesterday I was trying out a dress and little one was as usual messing up with things kept on the dressing table. What’s with the fascination of these kids with dressing table and kitchen utensils! As usual my brain was multi tasking and while I was looking at the fitting of the dress, I kept on saying, “Ni No! Don’t throw this! Don’t open that” A total irritated WTH stage I was into when the little one suddenly stopped and started looking at me intently with a smile.
Me to Ni (that’s what he calls himself these days): Ni, Mumma achchi lag rahi hai?
Ni: Aan, Mumma achchi. After a short pause, with gleaming eyes and pointing to his own clothes, he asks: Mumma, aul Ni achchi?
Oh that shining eyes and that cute “Aul Ni achchi”, I immediately bent down, hugged him and replied:
Me: Ale Ni toh hamesha achcha, har kuch mein achcha, sabse achcha!
Ni: Otte. Mumma bi hamesha achcha, hal tuch mein achcha, shabshe achcha!
I can’t tell you how I felt at that moment! An immediate transition to “Awwww” from “WTH” within seconds! I know he didn’t understand what he said, he was just repeating my sentence by replacing Ni with Mumma but still it was such a different thing to listen to it from his mouth. #WishfulThinking by the mommy in me – Wish he will say this someday when he understands the meaning of it as well .
And the mommy in me has decided to document such tidbits of my current phase of life. On those gloomy, clueless, lost-in-life days I must come back and read these to remind myself that life is not only about pre-decided goals, fierce ambition, planned holidays, showcasing our perfect life on social media and socializing with so-called friends! At times, it’s just about living in the moment and experiencing it then and there. For you never know, when one of those moments will actually become memory that you would like to cherish forever! A memory that’s sure to bring a smile on your face whenever you will think of that moment!

Parenting 2.0: Nuggets from the little one

June 20, 2013
So, the little one has been gifted a talking parrot by his mama and new mami (oh yes, he has a mami now, more on that later 🙂) and he was totally in love with it. But as is the case with most of his toys, he got bored of it after few hours and then started throwing and hitting it with his bat. This is one habit that I have really not been able to control. He gets bored so easily with anything and he is just not the child who can play with toys. He needs more of outdoor engagements like basketball, cricket or anything else to do with balls. He is obsessed, like seriously obsessed with balls! 
So, this parrot stopped talking after being hit few times. And little one got restless, started shouting on the parrot as if that toy will get scared of his scolding and will start talking again. When the shouting didn’t work, he got sad and kept on showing the parrot to me with a “nai nai” and expecting me to tell the parrot to talk to him. I observed the toy and realized that the batteries came out when he threw it last and hence the parrot stopped functioning. The mommy in me tried to use it to my benefit. I took the parrot, showed it to him and told – “This parrot is angry with you, you hit him and hence he has stopped talking to you. He is sad that you threw him and is not going to talk to you again.” I repeated similar sentences with a sad face to create the impact and kept showing him the parrot and during one such act I showed him the back portion of the parrot where the battery section was open. Immediately his eyes lit up, he snatched the parrot from me, examined it carefully and then started looking around aggressively. After some running, bending and lying down, finally he could locate the batteries underneath sofa. Took all effort to finally grab those back and inserted them in that parrot. And lo the parrot started talking. With a winning smile he came to me, gave the parrot back to me and said – “le le”. Oh that look on his face as if saying – mumma you tried to fool me. And the mumma looked at him appalled with mouth wide open and completely shocked at the brain of this tiny little creature! 
Gawd that confident “le le” to me… all I could tell myself was welcome to parenting 2.0 or is it like 3.0? Ummmm maybe n.0! Whatever but you just can’t fool the kids these days and he is just 17 months old as of now!

Meri Adhuri Kahani…

April 13, 2013

Without any deliberation, I think I should title this post as “Meri Adhuri Kahani”… yes, that’s what the status of my life is these days. Almost everything adhura or half complete! Blog posts – half complete, books – half complete, paintings – half complete and millions of things at work – half complete! Ufff where are days flying by these days? In past few weeks, I have saved soooo many posts in drafts. I thought to share about my excitement of watching a movie in theater after almost an year and what better movie than Kai Po Che to write a post about but that too half complete. Women’s Day, Holi, some positive updates at work, some not-so-pleasant updates of motherhood but everything half complete. And this also reminds me that I have a new template for my blog and even that work is – half complete! Phew, let us see if I manage to complete this post till end or this also becomes a part of my “Adhuri kahani” series.
Anyways, coming down to this post… last two weeks have been no less than mayhem at my household. Maid lapata (ufffff this misery never ends ) and to top it, little one terribly sick. High viral fever followed by body rash and super fussiness! But what was the highlight of this phase was his blood test. Yeah, blood test and you might be thinking what’s so big deal about getting a blood test done. Ain’t we all get pricked all the time? I, for one, have always managed to get all my tests done alone without much ado and after reaching adulthood at times have even wondered on few women who shout and create hungama during blood tests. Yeah, I met many such ones esp. during pregnancy checkups. During those days, checkups and lab visits used to be quite frequent and so were the encounter with such screaming and ‘oh-i-m-such-a-delicate-baby’ kind of women. Trust me I never could fathom the big deal about it! But things were different this time when I went for the first blood test of my little one. The moment he entered the lab he started howling, maybe the setting around made him scared or whatever. He was anyways in high fever & then came out three needles. Okkkk, and then I was suddenly nervous! Rational mind said it’s after all few pricks that would get over in seconds but the mommy mind said – oh my god, all these would be inserted in his veins. Yes, I was sweating even in that AC. And this little hyper active brat – uffff you do anything but he could manage to free himself from that doctor’s hands and roll over to the other side of the lab table. Then came another worry – what if the needle moves inside if he would be this unstable! Hee hee, I am laughing now while I am writing this. But this, as well as millions of whats and ifs and buts were coming to my mind during those few minutes of his first blood test. He was screaming at the top of his voice and both me and my husband were standing still, silent, apprehensive with our fists tightened and brows joined! It took 2 nurses, 1 doctor, 1 lab assistant and 2 of us to finally make him stable to go through those three needles and yes, those were just another pricks. Little one was crying more because of being scared than pain and we were worried more for… ummmm…. Ha ha ha I think no idea why on earth were we so worried that time. But we were! Didn’t I say earlier that parenthood makes your emotional glands hyperactive . And at the same time it does make you strong, far stronger than what you were before.
Thank God, he is better now and everything seems to be coming back to normal. But I had no idea that something as small as a blood test can evoke so many emotions within me. This had to be jotted down somewhere for us to read and have a good laugh later .
So, tell me how was it for you when you took your little ones for blood test for the first time? Were you like me or your normal calm composed state?
P.S: Yayyy, finally I could manage to finish this post. But guess how many sittings did it take to complete this? 5! Yeah, that’s how my life is these days 🙂

Kho na jaye ye

August 19, 2012

“Kho na jaye ye, tare zameen per…”, these words are buzzing again in my mind since yesterday. Ok, first a confession – when I had watched this movie in 2007, I actually was all teary eyed for most part of the movie. Having lived in hostels since childhood, the song “par andhere se main darta hoon maa” had moved me in a way that can’t be expressed in words. By the end of the movie it was quite an embarrassing situation to face my husband and friends with swollen red eyes and wet cheeks. Like many others I too had loved, loouuuueeed the movie then. By chance I happened to watch it again yesterday. And to say that I “cried” again while watching it would be such an understatement! Not only did I cry, I actually cried buckets or rather tanks or maybe pools… errr let’s leave it at that. Well, this time I was not just with welled up eyes rather it was what you can call as flooded eyes. Difference between then and now? Well, last time I just watched it as a regular viewer but this time I watched it as a Mom. And trust me it had a different impact all together! 
Oh the character of Ishaan and scenes like the last ones where early morning he gets ready on his own… all these suddenly had a perspective of “what if our little one had to face this or what if our little one had to do that”. Surprising part was that it was not only me who was so emotional about it but even the husband dear who otherwise makes fun of anybody who cries reading a fiction or watching a movie was himself silent and wet eyed. Sigh we have indeed become parents I think, we now get sentimental about anything and everything around us 
But the movie also made me rethink about many things related to child upbringing yet again. Imagine a special talent like Ishaan getting lost in this world if he would not have met a teacher like Nikumbh and let’s face it, in reality there are actually very few Nikumbhs existing in our society. Imagine the bullying which a child like him has to face just because he’s not good at maths or science. Imagine the kind of pressure, which a child like him has to bear to fulfill his parents’ expectations that have been set for him without evaluating what he is good at or what does he like to do. And from where do such expectations come from? From parents’ own dreams or through their aspirations for their child? Nah, in most of the cases it comes from comparisons! Comparison with siblings, cousins, friends / acquaintances / society / colleagues’ kids, classmates and many more! And when does this comparison start? When your child starts going to school or starts moving out socially? Again a nah! To be honest, these days such comparisons start even before the little soul has arrived in this world. Yes right, it does start from womb! Seven months into motherhood and I think I can state this fact with full conviction.
I can see it, feel it and experience it all around me. You go to park or any social circle and there are moms discussing what their kids can do. There is a serious comparative analysis that exists for kids of any age including toddlers and babies. Oh your baby doesn’t eat this but my baby does and you know this particular food boosts brain development by X %. Oh your baby has not started talking yet but mine toh started babbling at the age of Y months only, you know in preschools they check how good your baby is at speech or expression. Haven’t you introduced him to this series of videos, arrey they’re must for cognitive learning or mind training? From first tooth to width of smile to duration of sitting straight to number of steps in first walk to what he eats to how much she talks, there is this unsaid competition amongst most of the parents for almost everything – how come my baby didn’t do it first? It starts from there and then slowly moves on to Mathematics scores, sports activities, board exam results, engineering, medical, foreign degrees, so on & so forth. The ‘other’ child is always doing better and hence you’re supposed to do and follow what son or daughter of X, Y, Z is doing. In some cases it works but in most cases as per me such comparisons or expectations only lead to a burdened childhood and un-nurtured dreams. 
Being a mother I have just these simple wishes for myself now – may I never get affected by what others’ children are doing; may I always have the sensibility to understand and appreciate the uniqueness of my child; whatever my child’s potential be, may I always be successful in making him realize that he is indeed the most special gift god could have ever given us! Yes he is and I know almost every parent feel the same, it’s just that some have to be reminded back at certain stages of life. 
Phew a long emotional rant after long but didn’t I tell ya earlier that parenthood makes your emotional glands hyperactive 😉

B’day and Cocktail

July 18, 2012
A big thanks to all my blogger friends who remembered to wish me last week. It’s surprising, how we started to interact with each other in virtual world but now some of us are such good friends in real world too.

This b’day was indeed very special to me. After all, it was my first b’day as “Mumma” and that’s what my b’day cake read :-). Though the little one is too young to wish me in words but his cute little activities whole day were sufficient enough to make me feel special and happy about the day. And the funniest part of the day has to be the way I got my first “Happy B’day Mom” card. It was not given by him rather snatched from him and that too with full force! After the cake was cut, N gave a card to the little one asking him to give it to me. Card was quite colorful and the moment he got this vibrant piece in his hands, he crushed it and put it in his mouth within seconds. Yes he has got something for papers, whenever he spots one, even the tinniest of pieces, he pounces on it with devilish gleam in his eyes and immediately stuffs it in his mouth.  The card also met the same fate. After some good amount of struggle we finally took it out of his mouth and hand. So, the card was literally snatched by me and it came to me all wet and crumbled and torn…ha ha ha, quite a b’day wish it was, sort of self claimed and forced.
As part of b’day celebration, I finally got to watch a movie. Oh yay, after more than five months I visited a multiplex. Now those who know me or have been reading me for long know my love for movies. From five movies a month, now my movie watching stats has reduced to a movie after five months. And I thought I would love any movie when I’m getting to watch one after these many days. But how wrong I was! Cocktail was quite a mediocre rather a disaster so to say. Still wondering what exactly they were trying to show esp. when you know that the movie has been made by someone like Homi Adjania of ‘Being Cyrus’ fame. So, what did one get out of this movie?
  • That men like to have all the fun with the hot chick and then make the seedhi-sadhi, puja-path wali as their final pick!

  • That there are still some men in this world who use one-liners (that too such cheesy ones) to hit on women.
  • That you go to whichever part of the globe but if you are an Indian woman, you will be only considered a marriage material if you wear salwar kameez and do stuffs like laundry, cooking etc.
  • That… well this list can go on and on and on…

    • And how much so ever hard Saif tries he still can’t justify this ‘cool dude with all hot women in my pocket’ kinda look anymore. Even if you decide to ignore those wrinkles and horrible dialogue delivery, still he cannot and should not do such roles that advertise his age so loudly and desperately. Ufff overall an absolutely pathetic movie which I could have easily ignored! Not even worth watching on television I think.  
    Did you watch this movie and how has been your reaction to it? 
    Chalo time to log off for now, will be back with my next post soon.

    My Guest Post on “India Inspired Designs”

    July 2, 2012

    Hello people, what’s up? Hope you all had a good weekend. This week offered its own excitement and challenges to me. Excitement as little one is six month old now, that means we also started with some solids apart from milk and challenging as never ever I imagined that introducing new food to baby was going to be this tough a task! I mean really I don’t have words to describe the effort and patience required for this. 
    A detailed post will surely come up on this :-), for now please check out my new guest post titled “Indian Inspired Designs” on Curating Fashion blog. Curating Fashion is an online journal for the Design Museum London website. For more information, you can check out their blog here.
    Bbye for now, will be back with my next post soon.