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Motherhood & Guilt (Talking Parrot – 2)

January 31, 2014
Last day of the first month of 2014! Wow, time flying, running and what not. So, what’s up with you all? Hope you had a great start to the new-year.

Well for me, life’s going on with more hiccups but some fun too, busier but with new learning too, tougher but with more… errm wait, what’s my life if it’s not tough. Don’t remember when was the last time that it was simple, or as per plan or easy. But whatever it is, it’s going on. More on some key changes in my life this year in my next post. As of now, I’m back with my talking parrot series with the little one :).

Early morning I was standing in the balcony when suddenly I heard the gas lighter being clicked. Surprised I wondered who was in the kitchen, as husband had gone for his morning run and little one was sleeping. Immediately I rushed inside only to be completely horrified by what I saw next. The little dude had pulled a small stool near the kitchen slab, stood on it, had switched on the gas burner and was clicking the lighter from a distance. Oh god! I can’t explain how scared I got for a moment. Immediately I pulled him down, switched off the knob and got mad at him. I shouted for good a minute or two I think – “why didn’t you call me when you woke up, why do you try to do things which are beyond your age, kuch ho jata toh, oh god why can’t he sit peacefully even for a minute, how can a two-year old be so difficult to deal with, blah blah blah & some more blah”.
When I was done with my shouting, little one climbed up on stool again and innocently asked me:

He: Mumma Tai peeogi?
Me: What?
He: Tai Tai (Chai).
Me: Dumbstruck I looked at him silently
He: Aaj Ni Mumma te liye Tai banayega!
Once again I don’t think I can express it in words how I felt at that moment. With welled up eyes, guilt within, I looked at his innocent expression. And within seconds my emotions took hundred and eighty degree turn! Thousands of thoughts flashing across my mind – why wasn’t I more patient, why did I get irritated without trying to understand what he was trying to do and many more… Gawd, motherhood is one hell of a complicated thing. Apart from making your emotional gland hyperactive, it also makes this emotion known as “guilt” super productive. You do whatever, this damn guilt doesn’t leave you at peace!
While the sensible brain told me that I reacted for all right reasons, after all within few seconds something really bad could have happened with that gas stove on but the emotional side kept on telling me – has anyone ever offered you tea in the morning since you left your mom’s house? Wasn’t it the sweetest thing a two year old could think of doing for you? It was, it really was…

The Talking Parrot Series – 1

October 27, 2013
I have a talking parrot at home these days and that parrot is none other than my little one! Yes, he talks now and that too a lot. Time flies, we always say this, but wait till you have a baby and see him/her growing in front of you. You really will see this term “time flies” in a different light altogether . So, this talking parrot has to repeat everything we speak. At times, his sentences leave me totally amazed wondering if it’s really him who said all this! And the reactions range from Awwww to WTH to Oleeee to WHAT! Yes, yes parenting emotions are all about diversity and that too at a speed which you won’t even know is humanly possible 😛
So, yesterday I was trying out a dress and little one was as usual messing up with things kept on the dressing table. What’s with the fascination of these kids with dressing table and kitchen utensils! As usual my brain was multi tasking and while I was looking at the fitting of the dress, I kept on saying, “Ni No! Don’t throw this! Don’t open that” A total irritated WTH stage I was into when the little one suddenly stopped and started looking at me intently with a smile.
Me to Ni (that’s what he calls himself these days): Ni, Mumma achchi lag rahi hai?
Ni: Aan, Mumma achchi. After a short pause, with gleaming eyes and pointing to his own clothes, he asks: Mumma, aul Ni achchi?
Oh that shining eyes and that cute “Aul Ni achchi”, I immediately bent down, hugged him and replied:
Me: Ale Ni toh hamesha achcha, har kuch mein achcha, sabse achcha!
Ni: Otte. Mumma bi hamesha achcha, hal tuch mein achcha, shabshe achcha!
I can’t tell you how I felt at that moment! An immediate transition to “Awwww” from “WTH” within seconds! I know he didn’t understand what he said, he was just repeating my sentence by replacing Ni with Mumma but still it was such a different thing to listen to it from his mouth. #WishfulThinking by the mommy in me – Wish he will say this someday when he understands the meaning of it as well .
And the mommy in me has decided to document such tidbits of my current phase of life. On those gloomy, clueless, lost-in-life days I must come back and read these to remind myself that life is not only about pre-decided goals, fierce ambition, planned holidays, showcasing our perfect life on social media and socializing with so-called friends! At times, it’s just about living in the moment and experiencing it then and there. For you never know, when one of those moments will actually become memory that you would like to cherish forever! A memory that’s sure to bring a smile on your face whenever you will think of that moment!