Browsing category

Musings

Reality TV hits its all time low!

October 10, 2009

It’s no more anger rather DISGUST on Indian reality television now. With programs like “Pati, Patni aur Woh”, “Rahul ka Swayamvar & “Bigg Boss 3” I’m wondering if there is any better reaction possible than this? Well, content wise I guess all of them are crap but the crappiest of the lot is surely “Pati, Patni aur Woh”. This program leaves me nothing less than AGHAST! I mean why on earth would people want their few months old kids to participate in such a weird program? Be it any class of the society, I’ve generally seen parents taking utmost care of their babies, but the way kids were handled in the initial few episodes of the program just makes you think again & again – what is it which would have acted as trigger enough for the parents to leave their infants in such a strange environment. Is it money or fame or both? And when you read justification like the following, all the more you start wondering if the parents really know what they are doing with their kids through all these reality programs.?As quoted by one of the parents in TOI:

“My husband and I did this purely as social work. All the celebrity couples are either married or are preparing to marry. So we are helping them for the future,” said Shilpa Budhraja whose 10 month old son is one of the kids in the show.

!!!!!!!!!#######!!!!!. Ms. Budharaja, don’t you think there are zillions of better and more sensible ways to do social service than lending your kid to a reality show? Being a mother, the least you could have thought about is the distress and unease which such show can cause to your kid.

When I see the program and the way those 10-11 months old babies are handled, all I can feel is empathy for those kids and pity on their parents. Really hunger for fame can make you do anything! From the appearance of their parents I somehow don’t think it’s only money which is making them do so.

Indian reality television has been blatantly copying the western content format but with shows like Perfect Bride or Pati, Patni Aur Woh, I wonder do they even understand the impact of such shows on our society. And with almost every aspect of life becoming a reality program, what would be the next content now? Shaadi dikha diya, pregnancy ka natak bhi karwa diya, bachche bhi palwa liye, what next? “Rakhi ka suhaagraat” or “Rakhi maa kaise bani”??? Well, reality TV content has definitely hit its all time low and it does need a full stop in its flow now!

A special day celebrated with special kids

September 22, 2009

19th Sep-2009 was Kishu’s 1st b’day without him; I don’t think I have words to express my feelings for this date. Though not a single day goes by without remembering him but then seeing 19th everyday on the calendar of this month has been nothing less than an awful reminder of his absence from our lives. With each day drawing closer to 19th, I was getting restless and I kept on wondering what to do so that we all esp. my mom can survive through this day. Somehow I always fail to find words which can console her, maybe that’s because somewhere within I’m aware that she can’t be consoled. The whole thought of his excitement for his own b’day and then his anticipation with which he would wait for my gift, brings smile as well as tears in my eyes. Really, life has its own cruel ways of dealing with us.

After thinking a lot, I decided to spend this day in an orphanage and celebrate Kishu’s bday along with kids there. Though there are lots of orphanages around but on speaking I found some of them to be too commercial. Thanks to our friends Manish & Vibha who helped us in reaching Mr. Krishna Reddy and his orphanage “Santosh Charitable Trust”. I’ve done charity events as well as donations many times earlier in my life but my experience with Santosh Trust was so different that it definitely deserves a post in my blog.

It’s a small orphanage on Sarjapur Road with 35 kids ranging in age group of 3-15 years; some kids have lost their parents whereas some of them have been abandoned by their parents either due to financial constraints or due to marital issues. The founder Mr. Isaac Raj along with four other trustees is running this place but what makes it different from all other places is the grooming and personalities of kids there. We (me, my husband and another very close couple friends who also showed interest in joining us) went to this place on a Saturday afternoon along with Mr. Reddy & Vibha. Since for all four of us this was the first visit to this place we were not sure what all to take for the kids, after discussing with Mr. Reddy I had taken some gifts, along with cake, sweets and had already spoken to the trust for hosting a special lunch from my side for the kids that day; the other couple friends who were also as enthusiastic as us had bought loads of fruits and biscuits for those kids. I don’t know what all four of us had it in our minds but the first introduction with those kids itself just left us amazed. I mean all of them were so well behaved and spoke with absolute confidence. They were talking in fluent English and had such a smart way of expressing their thoughts. After their introduction we cut the cake on behalf of Kishu and they all sang in unison a birthday song for Kishu. I was crying and at the same time I had this very different feeling in my heart. A small and the only girl in the group came up to me and asked – “didi aap ro kyun rahi hai, apne bhai ke liye? Aapka toh sirf bhai gaya hai, mummy aur itne saare dost toh hai na, humko dekho humara toh koi nahi hai”…Speechless I stared at her blank face and deep eyes, couldn’t say a word beyond stroking her cheeks. Really, life has its own unique ways of communicating with us.

Post having lunch with them, we spent some more time with those kids as well as the founders. They explained us how this charity was formed and how it is running currently, its current state of finances and nearby future needs. For the first time we had encountered some charitable organization who had such a transparent and systematic approach towards managing the whole thing. And the result was obvious in terms of the personality of those kids – REMARKABLE will be one adjective which I think can do some justice to the impact which these kids created on us. While bidding them good bye all of us had this urge on our own to come back here again and do something for those kids. I’m not sure if souls exist but if they do, I’m sure Kishu would have been happy to see his special day being celebrated with those special kids. Thanks to Mr. Reddy and Mr. Isaac for making this day memorable and special thanks to all three friends who joined us so enthusiastically on their own and made it even more special for us.

While going I had this heavy heart in remembrance of Kishu but while coming out I had this peaceful heart in remembrance of Kishu.

Note: Those who would like to know more about this charity can visit http://www.santoshcharity.org/ and in case you would like to contribute something there, you can either contact Mr. Isaac through the website or can drop me an email and I would put you to the concerned person over phone.

And I was cribbing about…

August 25, 2009
Last weekend was sort of sickness special weekend for me – high fever with bad cold & severe body ache. Now personally speaking I think cold coupled with running or blocked nose is one of the most lethal combinations to have. To add to that, every other person was giving me advice on getting a swine flu test done. And most importantly her highness i.e., madam maid was on unannounced leave for past 3 days. Resultantly I was at my IRRITABLE best! Ready to shout even at the drop of a word! All I wanted to do was sleep silently but all I actually did was cribbing…

Somehow I managed to get a girl through a neighbor to do cleaning etc of my home but she quoted an abnormally high rate for a day’s work. Initially I got irritated on her quoted rate but then considering my health and knowing that any other maid would also try to extract money in this situation, I thought it better to get the work done by her. While she was mopping the floor of my bedroom, I observed her coughing badly. On enquiring and touching her forehead I realized even she was having high fever. I asked, “why are you working with water and that too at extra houses, go home & take rest?” She slowly replied, “karne do didi, extra paisa ka jaroorat hai. Mera 3 saal ka beta hai aur bimar hai, uske liye dava lena hai.” One look at her face and I felt she was not faking it; she looked genuinely in need of money. Not sure if my observations were right but I handed her the money and asked her to leave. And here I was cribbing about my fever…

In the afternoon, apartment manager sent two young boys to paint our balcony. Resting on my bed near window, I was keenly observing those kids painting the balcony so enthusiastically. One holding the ladder while the other climbing on it and brushing the ceiling. Suddenly we saw one of them jumping outside the balcony to paint the external panel, he was almost hanging in air with just one rope around his waist and the other end of rope in hands of the other boy. Immediately me and my husband went out and asked them not to do it like this to which the boy replied this was the only way to do it. I again insisted, “mat karo aise, kahi gir gaye tum toh, agar aise paint karna hai toh koi zaroorat nahi hai bahar paint karne ki.” The kid gave a hearty laugh, “kaise girenge didi, usne pakad rakha hai na rassi ko, aap bekaar ka tension le rahe ho, hum yeh roz karte hai, yahi kaam hai mera”. Worried I asked again, “tumko dar nahi lagta and tumhare kamar mein dard nahi hota hai”, he replied with a bright smile, “hota hai thoda bahut, lekin chalta hai”. Once they left after finishing the painting successfully, me and my husband were discussing the meager money versus high risk and pain which those kids must be getting! And here I was cribbing about my body ache…

Evening it was raining and I stood in my balcony with a cup of tea. Generally I enjoy such lovely weather but maybe because of fever and cold somehow I didn’t like the chill and rains that day. Suddenly I saw 3 poor kids drenched in rain running in the opposite ground after something, it was actually a big plastic sheet which was floating in air; wind must have blown it from somewhere else. The moment it came down they jumped, snatched and brought it down on the ground. Once they had that big plastic in their hands, all of them stood in a row. The ones on the outermost corners held the sheet like a hood on their heads and the middle one raised his hand to keep it high. Three of them started walking together with their hands up holding the sheet straight, though already wet but still struggling to save themselves from rain through that temporary plastic shelter. And here I was cribbing about rain & cold…

Not sure if it was my silence or thoughtful mood which made me observed all this but while I observed it just set me to think more…

Swine Flu: Helpline & some quick details

August 11, 2009

Since morning it was the third incident, first I read in TOI about few swine flu cases in Bangalore, then an old neighbor called to check if I know of any helpline number for Bangalore as her kid was having fever along with cold and then a very close friend rang asking me to surf internet immediately to find out some test center near her locality, her daughter who is studying in a Montessori school was sneezing and school administration had called my friend requesting to take her daughter back home. Now when I heard about this friend’s daughter, it immediately sent some panic waves within me. Though I had read that sneezing is not the key symptom for swine flu & it can happen due to any other reason like allergy, weather change etc. but then when you hear it happening with a kid who is such a close acquaintance, you suddenly become conscious of everything. You don’t feel like taking a chance even if the symptoms are remotely associated to something as grave as swine flu!

I’ve been reading and listening about swine flu for past so many days but never before I realized the urgency to know more about it as today. I immediately surfed internet only to realize that test centers are not available in all localities, there are only few designated hospitals which are conducting tests as well as providing treatment to the patients, looking for a helpline number was also not that quick! After passing on the relevant details to my friend and that neighbor, I started to read more on internet; while there are lots of information and news (read panic news) available but it took me some time to come out with information which can be relevant to people who are looking for help in a jiffy. Here are some info which I have culled out from internet & I think can be useful to those looking out for quick help:

  • Symptoms: Swine flu symptoms are similar to the symptoms of regular flu and include fever of over 100.4°F, fatigue, lack of appetite, and cold. Some people with swine flu have also reported runny nose, sore throat, nausea, vomiting and diarrhoea. Nearly everyone with flu has at least two of these symptoms. You can read more about it here.
  • Though it can infect anybody but kids and pregnant women are more prone to this virus.
  • Relevant websites: Though lots of websites are available but I found the following two websites to be most comprehensive ones, you can get to know almost everything at one place.

http://www.swinefluindia.com/ AND

http://www.in.com/swineflu/

  • Helpline number for Bangalore: Govt of Karnataka’s helpline number for swine flu is 91-80-26631923 and the address for test center is:
    SDS & Rajiv Gandhi Institute of Chest Diseases(Govt. of Karnataka), Hosur Road, Bangalore – 560 029
    You can look for helpline numbers of your respective city from any of the two links above.
  • This disease is highly contagious and one of the most infectious ones. So take appropriate precautions, avoid sending your kids to schools, travelling to infected areas and if you must travel use the facemask to reduce the risk.

Though take appropriate precaution but most importantly, don’t panic unnecessarily. Not every running nose or fever is swine flu. These can be symptoms of general flu as well!

*If you know of any more websites or information related to swine flu which you think can be useful to all, do send it as comments, I will include it in this post with due credit so that it can reach the relevant audience.

Update: Just updating some details which someone has left as comment on my post.
List of govt hospitals for test and curing of the SWINE FLU (H1N1 virus)

Bangalore
1) Rajiv Gandhi Institute of Chest DiseasesNear NIMHANS, Hombegowda NagarBangalore-560029+91-80-26632634+91-80-26631923http://rgicd.com/
2) Victoria Hospital Fort RoadKalasipalyamBangalore-560002080 26703294

Karnataka health and family welfare department on Friday, Aug 7 identified six private hospitals, which would now quarantine Swine Flu cases and treat them. They are listend below:
3) Mallya HospitalVittal Mallya RdBengaluru080 22277979Emergency: 080 22242325
4) Vaidehi hospital#82, K.R. Puram HobliWhite FieldBangalore -560066080-28413381/ 080-28413382/ 080-28413383Emergency: 080 41259032
5) Ambedkar Medical Institute and HospitalKadugondanahalliBangalore-560045080 25463442‎
6) St Johns HospitalSarjapur Main Road, Bangalore- 560034080 25532037
7) Manipal Hospital Airport RoadBangalore- 560017080 2502 4444 080 2502 3344Fax:+ 91 80 2526 6757
8) Mallige Nursing Home Mariappa Road, SiddapurJayanagar Bangalore – 560011080 26565678

Update as on 13th August’09: After reading my post, many people are sending me more information to be included in this post which can be useful to others. Thanks to al of them. I’m posting here the ones which I think can be relevant to this post:

Thanks Neha for the following information!

GOVERNMENT AUTHORIZED HOSPITALS FOR TREATMENT OF SWINE FLU:

Chennai
1.) King Institute of Preventive Medicine (24/7 Service)
Guindy, Chennai – 32
(044) 22501520, 22501521 & 22501522

2.) Communicable Diseases Hospital
Thondiarpet, Chennai
(044) 25912686/87/88, 9444459543

3.) Government General Hospital
Opp. Central Railway Station, Chennai – 03
(044) 25305000, 25305723, 25305721, 25330300

Pune
1.) Naidu Hospital
Nr Le’Meridian, Raja Bahadur Mill, GPO, Pune – 01
(020) 26058243

Kolkata
1.) ID Hospital
57,Beliaghata, Beliaghata Road, Kolkata – 10‎
(033) 23701252

Coimbatore
1.) Government General Hospital
Near Railway Station,
(0422) 2301393, 2301394, 2301395, 2301396
Trichy Road, Coimbatore – 18

Hyderabad
1.) Govt. General and Chest Diseases Hospital,
Erragadda, Hyderabad
(040) 23814939

Mumbai
1.) Kasturba Gandhi Hospital
Near Chinchpokli Railway Station,Opp. Arthur Road, Chinchpokli, Mumbai
(022) 23083901, 23092458, 23004512

2.) M T Agarwal Hospital
Dr. R P Road, Mulund (W), Opposite ESIS Hospital, Mulund, Mumbai
022-25605729, 25605730

3.) Rajawadi Hospital
Rajawadi Road, Ghatkoper (East), Mumbai
022-25094151/ 25094153/ 25094150/ 25094149

4.) Bhabha Hospital
Waterfield Road, R. K. patkar Marg, Bandra(West), mumbai
022-26422775/ 26429828/ 26406787

5.) Bhabha Hospital
Belgrami Road, Kurla (West), Mumbai
022- 26500144/26500241

6.) Bhagwati Hospital
Tulsibaug, S. V.Road, Boriwali (West), Mumbai
022-28932461/ 28932462/ 28932463

7.) S K Patil Hospital
Daftary Road, Malad (East), Mumbai
022-28899447/ 028894381

8.) Cooper Hospital
Irla Juhu Link road, Vile Parle (West) Mumbai
022-26207254/ 22605892/ 22605897

9.) V N Desai Hospital
V. desai Road, Santacruz (West), Mumbai

10.) Shatabdi Hospital
Waman Tukaram Pat Marg, Govandi (East), Mumbai
022-25564069/ 27662933

11.) Mahatma Phule Hospital
Kannamwar Nagar, Vikhroli (East), mumbai
022-25782253/ 25782283

12.) J J Hospital
Off. J.J Road, Byculla, Behind Byculla Police Station, Mumbai
022-23735555/23739031

Kochi
1.) Government Medical College
Gandhi Nagar P O, Kottayam – 08
(0481) 2597311,2597312

2.) Government Medical College
Vandanam P O, Allapuzha – 05
(0477) 2282015

3.) Taluk Hospital
Railway Station Road, Alwaye, Ernakulam
(0484) 2624040 Sathyajit – 09847840051

4.) Taluk Hospital
Perumbavoor PO, Ernakulam 542
(0484) 2523138 Vipin – 09447305200

Delhi
1.) All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS)
Ansari Nagar, Aurobindo Marg Ring Road, New Delhi – 29
(011) 26594404, 26861698 Prof. R C Deka – 9868397464

2.) National Institute for Communicable Diseases
22, Sham Nath Marg,
(011) 23971272/060/344/524/449/326
New Delhi – 54

3.) Dr. Ram Manohar Lohia Hospital
Kharak Singh Marg,
(011) 23741640, 23741649, 23741639
New Delhi – 01
Dr. N K Chaturvedi – 9811101704

4.) Vallabhai Patel Chest Institute
University Enclave, New Delhi- 07
(011) 27667102, 27667441, 27667667, 27666182

& thanks Nitin for shraing the following information:

Scientific Prevention of Swine Flue using Household Products

1. Inhale Clove Oil (Lavang) For 1 Second.

2. Chew 1 Clove In a Day

3. Eat Raw Garlic (Lasun), Onion, Ginger (Aale) (1 to 5gm)

4. Drink Hot Milk With 2gm of Turmeric

5. Consume Plenty Of Vit C Fruits-Lemon/ Avala

6. Eat 8 to 6 leaves of Tulsi empty Stomach Twice a day

7. Burn Camphor oil in your room, office a slight camphor oil all the time which keeps different airbone diseases away .

Is there really any helpline available for women in India?

July 28, 2009
Last week I got a call from a close family member who lives in a relatively middle sized town up north, getting a call from her at that odd hour was definitely bit surprising. But after picking up the phone, came to know the urgency. Her neighbor was in deep trouble and desperately seeking some official help, it was yet another case of domestic violence which she has been going through for years now but that night things had crossed their limits. She tried to contact local police station but apparently the husband being rich & influential had managed things in his favor. My relative asked me if I know of any such helpline or can I find one from internet and send her the numbers else that lady might not be even alive till next morning. Both me & N started to google such numbers frantically and within few minutes we were able to get many links and pages on women related helpline as well as NGOs against domestic violence like this, this, this & this. Quickly we called back & passed on all the numbers to the concerned person, only to get a call back in 15 minutes saying none of the numbers were being picked up including the Govt. 1091 one! We wondered as some of the numbers had “24×7 helpline” prefixed to them but still no response! That lady was crying on other side of the phone & we were left with no other option than to say some sympathetic words to her. But still there was this faint hope that maybe next morning she might be able to get through at least few of them.

Next day I spoke to this relative asking if her neighbor got any help, she responded back in a sad “no”; in fact the lady was beaten badly by her husband that night and went through hell lot of physical torture. Now some relatives had come to sort out the matter and asked neighbors to not interfere in husband-wife relationship with the same clichéd logic – doosre ke ghar mein aaplog mat boliye, pati-patni ka maamla hai, aapas mein suljha lenge. Phew, when relatives interfere we know how much the decision would be in favor of that lady :(.

But the fact that none of the numbers were reachable / contactable left me totally amazed. Out of curiosity I myself started to check out on some numbers, dialed many including 1091 to see the response & well despite repeated rings nobody picked the phone at all. Dismayed I spoke to few of my friends asking if they know of any number which a woman can call in India in case of any such urgency and nobody knew of even one responsible number at all. I also read lots of coverages on women related helpline in different states, NGOs, online initiatives like “Bell Bajao” etc but what left me surprised was the actual execution of all these initiatives and on ground presence of such bodies. Out of all these I definitely found “Bell Bajao” website & wiki page to be bit helpful but then aren’t those info actually limited to internet savvy women who can surf internet & read them online? What about those women who are not online, who are not from metro cities & are not educated enough to write mails etc to NGOs? Now this was a case of domestic violence, how about instances of stalking, theft, rapes etc.? Can help arrive at the moment of need? Is there really any authentic helpline for women? I’ve no answer…In case you know of any such number or have got help from concerned authorities in times of need, do share your experiences along with contact details of such helping authorities. If I get some details, I would definitely like to compile such list & pass it onto all the women I know.

Magic of Rain

June 28, 2009
Magic of Rain

Thoughts drifting with drifting clouds
As I sit here & watch the crowd;
Lightning flashes the life so far
Moments of glee & the deep scars.

A drop from eye, a drop from sky
Tears & rain don’t seem to be ally;
I hope the rain wins this affray
And it washes all my tears away.

Rain has always this magic on me
It touches that me hidden within me;
Rain reminds me those golden years
And also helps me hide my tears.
– Kanupriya

Wrote this while lazing in my balcony this weekend- sunset with rain with solitude. Though never wanted to write a sad one but somehow this is what came out. I think it was because even one moment of solitude or time with myself quickly reminds me of how life has changed over years and this rain reminded me of my childhood days when me & my brothers used to just go out in our aangan & get wet like crazy…For all other craziness, I always behaved like an elder sister and stopped them from doing any such things but for being drenched in rain I was always the first one amongst them to run out in our aangan & enjoy the rains…Some changes like absence of Kishu from our lives is really one of the most unacceptable & unbelievable changes till date…

Indian Writing in English

June 10, 2009
I happened to visit a prominent book store recently to buy some books as gift for a friend. After surfing around here & there, I thought of checking about latest addition through the store manager himself.

Me: Hi, can you recommend me some latest light reads?
Store Manager: Sure mam, what kind of language?
Me: English. BTW I always thought you keep only English books, do you’ve books of other languages too? I’m also looking for a very popular hindi title.
Store Manager: Sorry mam, we keep only English.
Me: Oh, so you asked what kind of language?
Store Manager: I meant you want to check out “Actual English” books or “Indian Writing in English”?
“Actual English” or “Indian writing in English”!!!
Me: Anything will do, show me some recent best sellers.

The manager showed me a stack of recent bestsellers & well the shelf consisted of maximum books by Indian authors only. Considering the fact that I’m an ardent fan of Indian writing, at one hand I was happy to listen to a separate categorization like “Indian writing in English” but at the same time this thing of “Actual English” or “Indian Writing in English” sounded nothing less than some sort of label for Indian authors. I think it was the word “actual” which created all the difference in terms of image! I was surprised to listen to it esp. because it was coming from a store manager himself!

Another incident was while chatting with this friend of mine who asked me to recommend her some romantic reads but immediately added – “don’t tell me one by an Indian author, they don’t have variety. And the language is also too desi”! “NO, I don’t agree” was the quick response which came out of my mouth.

Its years now that Indian authors have come of age. In fact as far as writing talent is concerned, India has always been a rich country since centuries. Think of the origin of the likes of Kabir, Tulsidas, Rahim, Mira Bai to the likes of V.S.Naipaul, Upmanyu Chatterjee, Amitav Ghosh & Kiran Desai, hasn’t India been there on the global literati roll forever??? Yes, a noticeable difference is definitely the trend of shifting language, thanks to all globalization & exposure to international culture that more & more Indian writers are writing in English now. Not only they are writing in English, rather they are creating a mark across continents with their stories & presentations. If you ask me as a reader, I think now-a-days every second book which I read is by an Indian author. And I totally enjoy it; I get whole lot of variety, I find the characters to be more relatable, plot to be more enjoyable & language to be absolutely at par with any other international author. To add to that in case the authors use some kind of local languages& phrases in between, then it’s nothing less than a mast tadka on dal, such seasonings give the book an additional flavor all together.

I was under the impression now that gone are the days when it was sort of uncool to read an Indian writing & if you’ve to flaunt a book you have to definitely take any other name apart from Indian one. But labels like “Actual English” and “Indian authors write too desi” leave me wondering once again. Are we still living in the age when Indian writing in English is not considered at par with other international counterparts? Do you still think of “Indian writing” as a separate label??? Well, all I can tell such people who have this opinion is to dive into the ocean of Indian writing seriously & then only you will have an estimate of the real depth of it. Yes, there are some crappy ones too but so are they there in those so called “Actual English” collections too.

Luck has bid its final adieu

June 2, 2009

Hope seems to be fading away,
Optimism is on the verge to betray;
Life is painted all over blue,
Luck has bid its final adieu.

Nothing seems to be going right,
Peaceful days are out of sight;
Problems are many, solutions a few,
Luck has bid its final adieu.

Shattered dreams n grit weakened,
Life seems to have reached a dead-end;
Now I don’t know what to do,
Luck has bid its final adieu.
– Kanupriya

This picture is one of my acrylic paintings done last year & as far as this post is concerned, ummm very unlike of me to write something in this style. Initially I wrote a post about absence of “Mr. Luck” from my life in a general paragraph style but few editing here & there has given it a shape like this. Wondering what could be the reason for the same – maybe I’m into lots of poems these days esp. hindi ones as I am working on typing & editing whole lot of poems of my mom or maybe it’s my gloomy & introspective mood! Hmmm…

Lost Laugh!

May 29, 2009
29th May – An unforgettable day, a historic day, a day which just left us numb & shaken & blank. It’s exactly one year today since I would have had a:

A laugh,
A hearty laugh,
A carefree laugh,
A true laugh,
A loud laugh,
A wholehearted laugh,
A laugh like this;

A guilt free laugh! Yeah, today even if I laugh there is an immediate guilt, an inner guilt, a guilt of realization that I’m actually laughing without Amitesh Bhaiya & Kishu! It’s exactly one year today when Amitesh Bhaiya left us all shattered & traumatized. But as if that was not enough, God decided to take Kishu also away just after eight months, leaving me, Ma & Kaushik mourning and devastated forever. Can life change like this so much in just 1 year? Yes, it does…kya se kya ho gaya!
Bhaiji (As we used to call Amitesh Bhaiya lovingly): Saying that we miss you will be an understatement, in fact we never have forgotten you even for a moment to miss you. Remembering you today badly on this dreadful day & pray for the peace for your soul…

Note: In the pic from left to right – Amitesh Bhaiya (though not blood relative but far closer to me than my own brothers), Kaushik (my youngest brother) & Kishu (my younger brother who left us this February). This pic was taken last year when we all had met during a festival for the last time “together” at my native place.

Introspection

May 16, 2009

And my spine disc problem is back, that too with a big bang. Intense pain along with stiffer back. All the extra work load & hectic schedule for last so many weeks finally took its toll on my health. Week was but naturally full of medicines, injections, traction, IFTs and other physio sessions. 1st half of the week was bed ridden and had to take off from work & 2nd half somehow managed to drag myself to work for few hours. Yeah had to go as it was impossible to neglect work, so much was pending on my head along with a completely new management team to deal with! Every day when I went to work, it reminded me of the expression which doctor had on his face this time, he had his standard suggestion ready on his lips – “madam till the time you won’t change your lifestyle & work habit I really can’t treat you completely. You need to exercise regularly & reduce your work hours otherwise you’ll keep on coming back with same problem & disc prolapse again & again”.

Hmmm, I know & I know it sooo very well, after all this must be the 100th time that he would have suggested me the same. But this time he was grimmer & so was I. The pain was so intense & so sudden that both me & N had got scared. Having experienced this problem lot many times I am very well aware of the repercussions of the same on long term life and I also know that there is no permanent cure to a disc problem apart from having a healthy life style and lesser hours of continuous work. But despite all my intentions to follow a daily fitness regime I always fail to maintain so. Reason? Well, on a normal day I leave for work at 8 am & by the time I come back late night I am dead tired to do any kind of exercises etc. And these days because of so many changes at office it has become worse, there is no time of my work getting finished, it can be anything between 8, 9, 10, 11 pm or many times even more i.e., past mid night. No I don’t work till this late hour happily neither I am workaholic by choice, it’s just that this is the demand of my job & current organization. Working in a start-up has its own challenges. While work wise it’s definitely very exciting & you get to learn whole lot of thing in a short span of time but then it requires some serious amount of commitment as well. I’ve worked in some large companies earlier & have been working in this start-up for last 2.25 years now & all I can say based on my experience is that such role in start-up companies really needs 24x7x365 kind of commitment. For some aspects of life it’s good & some aspects it’s bad too. And now when I’m at a situation of deciding whether it’s more good or more bad then honestly speaking I’m confused. N is upset due to my health situation and so am I; I’m not able to figure out how to handle all this. It’s really not pleasant to go through same pain again & again but at the same time it’s not even easy to decide whether I should re-look at my professional path currently. I know I can’t say no to work load in my current organization but then will I be able to sustain all this considering my frequent visits to hospitals these days? Do I need to re-prioritize certain things in my life right now? Is this hard work of any real worth? Well, I’ve been thinking & thinking & only thinking since last 3 days & have not reached to any conclusion yet…I’m confused, puzzled & totally baffled! I don’t know what to do next…